God with us

I must have sensed when I woke up this morning that today was going to be a heavy day for my heart. When I got dressed, I wore my little "Peace On Earth" long-sleeve T-shirt from Old Navy (everyone at school is wearing Christmas shirts with jeans). Then, I put my silver necklace on that has the word "Rest" engraved on it. When I paid for my coffee at Quik Trip, the cashier asked about me what my necklace meant. I simply told him that it was a reminder for me to just relax and to not worry about every piece of minutia. He then said, "And gurrrl, your shirt has the word 'peace' on it. You must really need to be reminded to chill out!" Thank you random convenience store man who can apparently see right into my soul.

So I went to school. Nothing went horribly wrong. In fact, it was a busy, but good day. My mind is so pre-occupied with things when I am there that I don't have time to obsess over my personal issues.

But something hit me on the way home and I suddenly was overwhelmed. I started crying. What was going on here??? That's not really like me at all.

Thoughts started flooding my mind about how I was all alone. I am just a teacher and school is the only thing I have in my life. And a lot of the time, I question whether I'm even good at teaching. I will never get married because I don't work hard enough to meet people and would rather stay at home and make crafts (ha). My friends care for me but will eventually move on into other phases of life and won't be able to relate to me. My health issues are getting worse (some of you know more about that than others--it's not serious, but causes cosmetic changes). I have made so many mistakes and am destined to fall into old patterns. People from my past will never believe that my life has been changed. And on, and on it goes.

In an effort to drown out the noise, I put on some music. My ipod was on shuffle, but the first thing that came on was "Emmanuel: God with us" off of Amy Grant's "Home for Christmas" album. (stop hating on Amy, Michelle ;)

The verses are not particularly powerful and the chorus is simple. But hearing "Emmanuel, God with Us" over and over again brought such comfort to me today. What an amazing truth to know that God is with us. It is something that I have heard for most of my life but today, my heart took refuge in knowing that He is here. All of the time. With me. With you.

Nothing has magically changed. I will still battle thoughts of fear and inadequacy. I will still struggle with disappointment and dreams that are locked-down in a holding pattern for an indefinite amount of time. But I do not have to battle them alone. I am so thankful to have been given a simple reminder during this season about how the Word became flesh and lived among us (John 1:14).